AN INTRODUCTION TO THE PAPATYA PROJECT:
A Difficult Baptism but no Identity Crisis
PAPATYA was founded in 1986 and has existed for more than ten years. During this time, we have changed the subheading of our name more than once. As is often the case, our name change reflects internal discussions regarding the actual content of our work and a change in our understanding of our clients.
Originally, PAPATYA was founded as a crisis centre for Turkish girls.
As the characterisation “Turkish girls” made the group of Kurdish girls invisible, we re-named ourselves “Crisis Centre for Girls from Turkey”. This, however, was also not really accurate, because many of the girls spent time in Turkey only on vacations. It seemed the sub-heading “Girls Stemming from Turkey” would be more appropriate. This, however, also no longer reflects our work completely. In the last couple of years, one-third of the girls stem from families with different ethnic backgrounds. This group is made up mostly of girls from Lebanon and Ex-Yugoslavia, as well as girls from predominantly Islamic countries: Maghreb, Jordan, Pakistan, Iran, Aserbedjan and Albania. We also see girls from bi-national marriages and daughters of German Muslims. Girls from Roma (gypsy) families, from Israel, China, Vietnam or Ghana have also been taken in by us in cases where they need protection.
We have not been able to find a sub-heading that does this multiplicity justice. This name problem, however, is not to be misunderstood as an identity problem, neither from our side nor from the side of our clients. We have a pretty clear idea about who we are and what we are doing.
Before presenting the way we work in our centre or the situations in which the girls who have been coming to us the last 15 years find themselves, we would like to comment on the representativeness of our observations.
The situations in which the girls who come to us find themselves are not typical for the general situations of girls in migrant families. We are a crisis centre with an unlisted address. Our primary assignment is to offer protection for those girls who have particularly serious problems with their families and whose families have particularly limited resources available to them to solve these problems. We are in this sense dealing with a particular selection process.
There are surely many girls living in unbearable circumstances who do not find their way to PAPATYA – be that because they cannot speak German, do not go to school, are illegal immigrants, or are never permitted to leave their homes.
We are dealing with those girls who were able to run away and who had to run away. Within this group as well, we are only dealing with a particular selection – some girls who run away are not dependent on finding a secret place of residence.
PAPATYA can accommodate up to eight girls between the ages of 13 and 20 for a period of 2-3 months. 60-80 girls come to us per year and stay for varying lengths of time: ranging from a couple of hours to several months.
We have seven employees (Turkish, Kurdish and German) who share six full-time positions. Through co-financing from the state’s unemployment programs, we have in the last while been able to hire on a part-time teacher and a part-time home economics specialist.
We supervise the girls around the clock in terms of their social and psychological needs and are responsible for, not only organising a large household, but also running our business, doing publicity work and co-ordinating with numerous other institutions.
The girls can be taken in quickly and with little bureaucracy.
Because PAPATYA´s telephone number is also unlisted, the Emergency Service for Youth in Berlin (Jugendnotdienst) is our external contact. As a facility connected with the Berlin senate, the Emergency Service for Youth can take minor-aged girls in their care, according to §42 of the KJHG (Laws for the Aid of Children and Youth), during the night or on weekends, when the “Jugendamt” (regional government agency responsible for the education and welfare of young people) is not available.
Girls can contact the Emergency Service directly. Teachers, social workers and counselling centres can also ask for help. Emergency Service then passes on the information to us and we, in turn, can initiate further contact.
Often, first steps can be clarified on the telephone. At this point, if possible, we like to speak directly with the girl involved, in order to see if our services are appropriate for her.
Along with the safe, protected environment offered by PAPATYA, the girl must be willing to accept certain conditions – for example, curfews.
In spite of all the differences amongst the girls we see, there are certain commonalities in the dominant conflict areas when a girl decides to leave her family. The focus of our interpretation of these conflict areas has shifted over the years.
Initially, we focused on the most conspicuous, culturally (migration)-specific aspects in our interpretations – those which contrasted most obviously with the situations and problems of German families. In the meantime, we have come to place more emphasis on familial or relational conflicts. An example should make this more concrete:
When a girl is not allowed to have a boyfriend, one can interpret this fact with respect to an understanding of a traditional, cultural concept of family honour. This is certainly often correct – even more so as migrant parents in Berlin often cling to traditional norms more fervently than they would in their homeland. Berlin seems to them to be a dangerous place. They fear that their daughter could be encouraged to become a drug abuser or a prostitute. They attempt to protect their daughter by means of strict surveillance.
The resulting conflict can, however, be interpreted from another, relational angle – for example, with respect to feelings of envy or competitiveness on the part of the mother, or feelings of jealousy on the part of the father.
Perhaps it is precisely the overlapping of both cultural as well as personal/relational levels in these conflicts which explains the persistence of these problems over the years. We have been recording statistical data since the beginning of our organisation. In the assessment of our data over the last 15 years, we have been able to determine that the younger sisters of those girls who had been taken in care by us several years before come to us for more or less the same reasons as their older sisters did.
Reasons for running away/ Why girls come to PAPATYA?
The girls do not run away for trivial reasons. Many have suffered for several years in an extremely stressful family situation and, between the ages of 14 and 20, hope to escape it all by running away.
These situations can involve serious or extremely serious abuse, sexual violence, neglect, not being allowed to attend school, forced marriages – all of which can go along with very strict control over the girls in general. The girls are often given a high level of responsibility for running the household and/or for the care of younger siblings, and are often forbidden to have friends (even simply girlfriends) or a peer group.
The problems have often worsened considerably since the girl has reached puberty, for at this point the freedom allotted her by her parents is reduced considerably.
Individual attempts to solve problems
One third of the girls report that they had already run away from home before – mostly for a couple of hours, staying with a girlfriend or relative, or sometimes also staying at Emergency Services or other counselling centres.
It is also shocking that almost 20 percent report having attempted suicide of some kind. Most swallowed pills. Some had to be hospitalised. These cries for help were usually responded to with helplessness on the part of the parents, who often ignored, denied or belittle their daughter’s suicide attempt.
At the point when girls decide to involve someone outside of the family, they often turn to teachers or school social workers. School is often the only place outside of the family with which the girl is allowed to have contact. The important function schools play as an initial contact in these situations is not to be underestimated.
Physical abuse
80% of the girls have been physically abused.
Most of them have been abused by their fathers or by both parents, many have also been beaten by brothers. The brothers are often encouraged to do this by the parents. When the girls claim to be hit, they are usually referring to massive beatings with objects. The occasional slap is, for them, normal.
Many of them have the feeling that there is no connection between their behaviour and the punishment they receive. They feel they are beaten at random.
If we ask them, the girls report feeling much more hurt by the parents’ verbal abuse than by their physical abuse. The girls are often insulted and degraded verbally, particularly concerning their sexuality - “whore” being one of the most harmless accusations – and it is often very difficult for them to tell us about it.
Approximately one fourth of the girls also see their mothers being beaten. This often takes place in connection with the father’s abuse of alcohol or alcoholism. Over the years we have seen a slight increase of this.
Drug problems – on the part of the parents or the siblings – are an issue in approximately 20% of the girls’ families.
Sexual violence
When we began our work 15 years ago, we were immediately (and unexpectedly) confronted with the existence of sexual violence in Turkish families. In 1986, 21 girls were victims of sexual violence. The violence was of varying degrees – to the point that one girl became pregnant from the sexual abuse carried out by her brother-in-law.
On average, 30% of the girls have experienced sexual violence – in the context of the immediate family, 20%.
In one third of the cases of sexual violence within the family, the father is the perpetrator; in one fourth of the cases, the brother. Uncles, grandfathers, cousins and brother-in-laws are also mentioned.
At this point, it is common knowledge that a strict sexual morality, as found in the traditional Turkish culture, in no way protects girls and women. On the contrary, the gender hierarchy connected with it makes it extremely difficult for the girls to escape or resist abuse and get help. The high value placed on virginity sometimes leads to the preference for anal and oral sexual practices - in order to avoid scandal on the wedding night.
This mentality can also result in a situation in which the sexually abused girl is accused of wanting to cover-up sexual contact to a boyfriend by accusing a family member of sexual abuse.
Girls who reveal having been sexually abused are in great danger and in need of a safe place to which the family has no access.
Only in those cases where the girl hopes to be able to protect younger siblings does she decide to press charges – this is extremely seldom.
Forced marriages
A quickly arranged marriage is often chosen as a solution when the parents feel they are unable to control their daughter and her need for freedom. A forced marriage can also be connected with significant economic gains for the parents: Although girls who have grown up in Germany are viewed suspiciously in terms of their moral values, they are also a means – through marriage - of getting a “ticket” to Germany. Families in Turkey are often willing to pay a high price for this bride, as she makes it possible for a family member to immigrant to Germany.
The percent of girls in this situation lies at just under 30%. Often, learning about concrete plans for a forced marriage is the final straw, resulting in the girl’s decision to run away.
Closely connected with forced marriages is often also….
A forced return to the country of origin
Girls can also be threatened with this, even when it is not connected with a marriage. Approximately one fourth of the girls have been threatened with a forced return to the “homeland”. This usually has nothing to do with the parents’ own plans to return. The parents are most often settled in Berlin and imagine, at the most, commuting between countries after retirement.
The parents threaten to send the daughter “back” to the country of origin as a form of discipline. Some of the girls who fear being shipped back have already been left behind in the country of origin by the parents after holidays there, and had only been able to arrange a return to Berlin by begging, promising good behaviour, hunger strikes, etc.
Sometimes girls run away in order to force their parents to send them back to their country of origin. In these cases, the girls have usually been forced to come to Berlin against their will or without even being asked.
Separations and break-ups
Issues such as divorce, growing up in step-families, being a child of a single parent often lie behind all of these other problems – although contrary to our impressions and expectations, the numbers here have not increased over the years.
Approximately one fourth of the parents are divorced. Of course, a divorce is not necessarily a catastrophe, but most of the parents quickly take on new relationships after the separation or divorce. As a result, a relatively large percent of the girls live with a step-parent. Contact to the parent with whom they do not live is no longer upheld and is often vehemently prohibited. This parent has often returned to the country of origin.
Approximately 8% of the girls are orphans or partial orphans.
On the whole, 60% live with both parents, 40% live separated from a parent, sometimes separated from both.
Added to this problem is the fact that many girls with Turkish backgrounds were born in Berlin or in former West Germany but were sent as babies to grandparents or other relatives living in Turkey.
In 1986, 60% of the girls were born in Turkey, whereas 35% were born in Berlin or West Germany. These numbers have reversed themselves over the last 15 years, where one fourth were born in Turkey and 60% in Germany.
The considerable change must, however, be seen relatively – as so many girls nevertheless still grow up in Turkey. Approx. 60% of the girls – more than half! – grow up separated from their parents, living with grandparents or other relatives in Turkey. (It is similar for those girls coming from ex-Yugoslavia, as long as they are not refugees.)
These girls undergo a migration process over and over again: moving from the country to the city, from Turkey to Germany, from grandparents to now foreign parents. They often report that they had thought that their grandparents were their parents.
Often no one had spoken to them about the reasons for being separated or for returning. They experience the separation as a rejection, as a sign of not being wanted. They cannot understand the hard conditions under which their working mothers lived, for example. The parents, however, expect the girl to be grateful that she has been collected by them and taken back. These parents often appear to take a connection to relatives based merely on their blood ties for granted, and do not appear to see the need to validate the relationship on an emotional level.
The girls are often taken back when it is time for them to start school, but sometimes also much later.
For this reason, calling them the “second generation” in Germany is a rather inaccurate description of their situation.
Changes are taking place very slowly. For the first time in 1994, there were more girls who grew up with their parents than girls growing up with relatives, separated from their parents.
If we add this early separation to later divorces and separations, we can imagine how little of a sense of belonging the girl can develop within her family. In those cases where, from the viewpoint of the parents, the girl is seen as simply a burden - difficult to control, unable to fulfil household duties to the parents’ satisfaction -, the girl may end up being continually shipped back and forth between relatives and early plans may be made to marry her off. In this type of situation, there literally is no place for the girl.
Unemployed parents
The financial backgrounds of the parents involved are seldom rosy.
Contrary to our expectations, the unemployment rate among the parents has not increased substantially over the last years, but has remained stable – approximately 25-30%. Many more fathers are unemployed than mothers. In those cases where the father is unemployed, the mother has often taken on the burden of being the sole provider – a large number of mothers have taken on stable but poorly-paid cleaning jobs with inconvenient working hours.
If we add to this number the number of families living from pensions or from social welfare, their number can be seen to have increased over the last 15 years: in 1986, 23%; in 1997, 50%; in 199, 51%. Here we can see mirrored more clearly the deterioration of the general economic situation – particularly in terms of the increase in the number of families who were once supporting themselves through unemployment insurance and are now being supported by social welfare.
The stay at PAPATYA
The fact that PAPATYA’s address is unlisted (kept secret) is absolutely necessary for being able to effectively support the girls.
Only under this condition are the girls able to reflect on their situation at their own pace and without constant pressure from their families. We try to find ways to support the girls in the difficult process of finding out what they want, feel and need, or help them develop plans for the future.
Most of the girls have not been allowed to make their own decisions up until this point. They must now learn how to articulated their needs and how to assert themselves.
Most of the girls are initially vehement about their desire never to see their parents again. This, however, often changes quickly and the girls must think about the direction in which they wish to proceed. For most of the girls, running away from home is not experienced as a release, but as an emergency measure, after all attempts at changing the family – be it by means of adaptation or rebellion - have failed. As a result, sorting through the ambivalent feelings with respect to the separation from the parents is a process we give considerable time and attention in PAPATYA.
We try to accompany and support the girls in their internal, psychological process of coming to terms with their families as well as with their very real situations.
When a new girl comes in our care, we try to inform the responsible regional government agencies (“Jugendamt”) as quickly as possible and they in turn take on the role of informing and consoling the parents. PAPATYA’s address is unknown even to the employees of the “Jugendamt”. At night or on the weekend, parents are informed directly by us. Within the first couple of days after the girl has been taken on in our project, the “Jugendamt” talks with the girl and with the parents separately. We accompany the girls to these appointments. At this point, we can usually assess what kind of danger the girl is in and whether there is any chance of coming to some kind of understanding with the parents. In most cases, talks can be held with the girl together with her parents at some point in time. When possible, these talks are then accompanied by a German and a Turkish/Kurdish PAPATYA co-worker. We try to prepare the girls for these talks beforehand and see ourselves as representatives of the girl’s interests.
Dealing with the parents – torn between ambivalence and partisanship/ solidarity
We quickly feel torn in every direction when working with the parents.
Especially from a feminist angle it is viewed sceptically that we talk to the parents at all and try to persuade the girls to abandon their fear and take part in these talks. On the other hand, we are often accused of seeing everything only from the perspective of the girls.
It has been a long process for us in this area. At the beginning, we believed that it would be possible to find solutions that accommodate the needs and wishes of both the girls and the parents. This proved to be more difficult than we had anticipated.
Two issues in particular appeared to preclude all possible negotiations with the parents:
when the daughter wishes
to move out of the family home without being married
when the daughter has a
boyfriend.
Unmarried girls who do not live with their families are still seen as being dishonourable, as being “whores”, which lowers the social prestige of all family members.
It is important to realise that it is not relevant how the girl actually behaves – whether or not she has a boyfriend and whether or not she actually sleeps with him – but simply external appearances – whether or not she is in a situation in which “dishonourable” behaviour COULD take place. It is appearances that count.
It is difficult for us to accept the fact that peers also uphold this concept of honour – a girl is often insulted and degraded by siblings and schoolmates when she runs away. To prevent the loss of honour, the family will mobilise all its resources: they may try to coerce the girl with promises, or emotionally manipulate her (Grandma is dying, your little brother won’t stop crying….) or even, in the worst cases, try to kidnap her.
Pre-marital relationships are taboo, and yet most of the girls we see have boyfriends. These boyfriends are then carefully hidden from the parents.
This fact prevents us from speaking openly with the parents. We are caught in a circle of prohibitions and punishments from the parents’ side and lies and the breaking of prohibitions from the girl’s side – a situation we are seldom able to break through or de-escalate – at least not for longer periods of time.
The girl feels herself particularly trapped when her boyfriend himself insists that she should return to the family: an “honourable” girl belongs with her family and he is only willing to be in a relationship with an “honourable” girl. Otherwise he may end the relationship.
In our experience – it is possible to negotiate with the parents when it concerns calling off a forced engagement or wedding, living by relatives, setting curfews, helping in the home, giving weekly allowances, setting clothing regulations, attending school – but not usually when it concerns one of the two issues mentioned above.
We nevertheless try to talk with the parents in most cases.
This is because the girl’s running away from home is often not only an attempt to get away from the family but also a last attempt to see whether and how much the parents love them and if the family is at last willing to change. The girls want to know how the parents have reacted to their flight. In many of the families, there is not much talking going on in general and when the parents communicate with their daughters, it is often only in the form of hierarchical, uni-directional commands. The parents care for the material needs of their children. It doesn’t occur to them to ask about their children’s thoughts and feelings.
Often for the first time in the context of these talks, the girl experiences a situation where she can speak and the parents have to listen.
These talks with the parents can often be characterised as negotiations. The end result is then a contract – for example, clearly-defined curfew rules.
It is important to mention that the situation of some of the girls is so dangerous that we do not risk talking with the parents.
What happens to the girls after PAPATYA?
Approximately one third of the girls (35%) go back to their former situation: living with their parents, step-parents, etc. Approximately 10% find a solution within the context of their (extended) family: they move to an older sister, or to an uncle or aunt, or to the other parent, or move away together with the mother but away from the father, etc.
Those girls who decide not to return to their families and who are still minors must go to the family courts, where the parents must be denied custody of their child. In most cases, this is successful. In 1986/87 no parents willingly agreed that their daughters may live outside the family. In the following years, the percentage increased to 10%.
Approximately 40% of all girls go to children’s homes, youth co-ops, or are supervised by social workers in their own flats after leaving us. This is financed by “Jugendhilfe” (youth social welfare services). If they are still in danger with respect to their families, they sometimes have to move to another province.
Approximately 8% of the girls leave without telling us their destination. The rest go to other crisis housing facilities, to clinics, to their own flats or they marry their boyfriends.
We usually lose contact relatively quickly with those girls who return to their families. Our attempts to set up a follow-up project with a Turkish and a German psychologist failed because neither the parents nor the girls seemed to want to stir up problems and think about the time period in which the girl ran away. Their motto appeared to be: “Forget about the past. Let’s start with a clean slate.”
Between 10-15% of the girls return to our facility per year. In most cases, these are girls who had been very sceptical but had gone back to their families in order to give them “a second chance”. Those girls who run away from home a second time usually leave the family for good.
The girls who are taken into care by “Jugendhilfe” (youth social welfare services) often stay in contact with us for long periods of time. In early times, we often tried to find housing for the girls outside of Berlin – because of the danger they were in, but also because it was only there that places where available in smaller facilities or in foster families.
We made use of this type of housing in the first four years to a considerable extent: 40% of those supported by “Jugendhilfe”.
Most of these housing situations, however, were not successful: the girls quickly returned to their families because they felt isolated and lonely in the rural areas outside of Berlin.
Today only 15% of the accommodations we find for the girls are outside of Berlin. We are hesitant to give in to the girl’s understandable desire to live far away from her parents and make a point of finding a place for her where she is not the only migrant.
We have had good experiences with co-operatives for youth in Berlin – at least for those girls who are more independent, have greater self-confidence, more resources at their disposal and also have some kind of circle of friends. It is also important for the girls to be able to decide whether or not they want to live in an all-girl co-op.
Up until a short time ago, there were three housing co-operatives with unlisted addresses in Berlin, designated for girls from Turkey. The fact that the address must remain a secret became a problem because the girls were not allowed to have visitors as a result. Turkish girls were rejecting this housing option for this reason.
In the meantime, the secrecy policy has been abandoned, whereas the multi-cultural aspect has been maintained, making it remain possible to offer this specialised housing option within the context of youth social welfare services in Berlin.
For each youth housing co-operative with five youths, there are two responsible counsellors (at 30 hours a week). This is, however, not always sufficient for the younger girls. We have established a good working relationship with some children’s homes, although, in general, it is difficult to convince a girl to move into a home – the word “home” is often vaguely connected with negative ideas of belonging nowhere and becoming a whore or a drug addict. We are seldom able to change this misconception.
It is difficult to find housing for young adults who can often no longer be financed by “Jugendhilfe”. The psychological/social problems and deficits within this group are so similar to those of the minor-aged girls that many women’s shelters feel unable to offer sufficient support and consequently reject taking these young women on when they apply for shelter.